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Heterosexuals are simultaneously fascinated by and clueless about lesbian sex. “So, what do you do, exactly?” At some point in her life, pretty much any lesbian will be asked this question. Lurking behind this query is a host of assumptions about what constitutes “real sex” and what a “real woman” sexually desires. Sexual agency—the ability to make decisions about what you like to do sexually and then act upon them—has historically been denied to women. Many men (straight and gay) simply cannot imagine that real sex takes place without penetration with a penis. For this reason, lesbian sex has become a cultural marker, a stand-in, for the question “What actually counts as sex?”—for anyone.
Confusing pornography—or any depictions of sex in entertainment— with reality can lead straight as well as LGBT people to have unrealistic expectations of what sex looks like and feels like. As queer sex educator Tristan Taormino states, Hollywood, Madison Avenue, and the porn industry have all sold us ridiculously unrealistic images of flawless bodies and red-hot sex. Everyday life is much more complicated, but has a difficult time competing with a fantasy. The distorting effects of these fantasies do not shape all of us with equivalent force. Lesbians must contend with a male-centered view of what they would or should want if they met the right man. Bisexual and straight women also suffer when their sexuality is continuously placed in scenarios in which it exists only for heterosexual men’s pleasure. But the most dangerous implication of this myth is that the right man could show a lesbian what she really wants and turn her straight.
Nevertheless, the myth that sex with the right man could make a lesbian go straight persists and can take deadly form, such as “corrective” or “punitive rape.” Corrective rape is a violent sexual assault in which a person is targeted because of her sexual or gender nonconformity. The term came into use after the brutal gang rape and murder of openly lesbian South African soccer star Eudy Simelane, in 2008. South African LGBT activists began to track incidence of these crimes against lesbians and to organize against this violence both domestically and internationally. The problem is hardly confined to South Africa. Cases have been documented in Thailand, Zimbabwe, Canada, and the United States.
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